Not Stopping

October 23, 2012

Another week. No results. If it’s happening, I’m not seeing.

Another feat. Go results! Keep on fastening, to me the soul I miss so much!

 

Can’t figure what to do, though got a couple ideas.

Determined to keep it true, and conquer my fears.

Here I am, and I won’t move until I found you.

Yeah, I make mistakes along the way, but in my psyche, around me I wound you.

 

This is real, no bluff. Though I dunno what to say.

This is how I feel, is it enough? Can’t quit now & let you walk away.

All I know how to do is fight. Maybe I’m not a very good fighter, but damn it, I won’t quit.

All I know is this feels right. In me, it creates a spark like a lighter. Now this goal I’ll get.

 

Nah, I won’t fear. Why should I? Fear is scared of me.

Doesn’t want there to be an us here. No lie. So should I act bummy?

Nah! Not in this life. It won’t exist.

Locked on you, my vision’s sharp like a knife and this mission I won’t dismiss.

 

But here I am, lonely warrior. Abandoned in the battle field or alone?

Feel like it’s damned. Is it a phoney saviour, this quest that wields anguish in different tones?

It’s part of the game. The part which I refuse to acknowledge: patience.

And like most, I hate it. Strain! Why salvage by waiting for something so good for my conscience?

 

Yet, I complain anyway. Yeah, I’m conflicted – a sun cancer, lunar scorpio.

Gulped it up, the knowledge when I found it, now I know it’s satanism.

So God’s pissed off, to humans it’s an unfair advantage. This is the or part of the one-way ticket to Hell.

Shruggin’ God’s gonna blow my lid off, never thought the Devil would use me as point of vantage. Fuck it, I did it! Who gives a fuck if I couldn’t tell?

 

But this isn’t about me, it’s about you. Until I find you, I won’t rest without you.

Don’t even know you. I’ve never put myself out there so much for someone in the way like for you I do.

And I don’t stop. I look at your picture & it’s a billion degrees re-heated, my desire to realize my belief.

Where I would usually break down, I persist – through all the laughing at me, insults & beef

 

Who are you? Where can I find you? You’re a model & can have any guy at any moment.

All I did 3 years ago, was flik through the papers & ever since you own me. Mild-strong torment.

Me, who used to be scared of commitment, is now making plans.

All of a sudden hot girls want my attention. I’m refusing them like they got mans.

 

FUCK! This is so not me. But then I go do something else, and come back here quickly.

Self-made prison. To myself I made a bunch of promises, my soul now doesn’t feel like, to break. Iffy!

I induce different trances to get me through the periods. Hence, I last.

Common neuro-operational methodologies, to create imaginary situations to coop with shock. Go crazy, fast!

 

Maybe, but I also know, you I don’t wanna be without.

There could be a million other women I could have out there. I’m happy with you & that’s what it’s about.

You could have so many personality traits I cannot stand, that drive me crazy.

Other candidates could never tick those boxes, and to choose them would still be hazy.

 

I’ve come far enough to figure out what I want in life, and what I don’t ever wanna put up with anymore.

When I look at your face, in your eyes, I see a connection. Won’t say more because it’s private.

This place, across Earth, you’re my prize: the reality of my perception. If you’re evolution, I’m the primate.

What may not seem like much, I cling on to, and for nothing in the world, ever violate.

 

Just maybe, everything is going according to plan,

and law of belief is like, ‘I told you I got it. Take it easy, man!’

Maybe this act is one of desperation and not belief. My demon may ruin the progress.

I’m so riddled in between mental paths & decisions, I feel I need to do more, when such may actually be less.

 

But God watches over us all, even over the ones who don’t give him their faith.

I’ve learned that no matter how much you screw up, to turn back to God is never too late.

I’m not trying to convert your faith, or change your beliefs. None of that.

I’ve also learned to accept a person is the norm if you wanna have a relationship not a fluke swing of the bat

 

And the baseball is soaring, high right up in the sky.

Everyone in the 100,000 seat stadium is looking up, while you, the player, just jogs by.

It might fly out the stadium, and you’ll score a home run,

but once your partner figures out your manipulations – your relationship is done!

 

And that’s what I’ve resolved to take upon myself, as judgmental & pedantic as I am.

I’ve rarely done big changes for myself. Maybe through doing it for other people is how I get them done. Damn!

I won’t fall. I won’t falter. I will not renege. This tide will not hold me under siege.

In it, I won’t drown. I will swim to float on the surface. Over the water, I will continue to breathe.

 

This is it. There’s no turning back. I could swear right now, but won’t. Fuck it, I’ll do it anyway!

If it conveys the message in the way I want to bring it, than cussing you will read today.

No threats, just assertions. Don’t care if I have to oppose in obstacle what feels like the Great Wall of China.

It may be the only construction visible from space, but it’s human made, and I’m a human!

 

So no ocean can separate me from you. The Atlantic’s a pond & the Pacific to me, is like a beach,

‘Cause no water, land, or height can deter from me, what I give to you in reach.

No insecurities, no second thoughts. Everything like it’s originally planned,

‘Cause whatever I go through, will be worth to hold your hand.

 

True story.

I can get with you a glory.

For me, it’s mandatory.

To you, it may be illusionary.

 

Dunno. Time will tell. But I’m over here.

And I know you’re out there.

With your beautiful, curly, afro hair.

I take your image with me in my mind, everywhere!

 

Good things come to those who wait. Maybe.

I struggle to get what I want the most. May we

Make first contact & at least be book of face connected? Hint, hint.

Until that bold move happens, this is what I’ll do all along. Whether I don’t lose or can’t win.

 

What your life is like, may scare me.

You may already be hooked up, be getting together with someone or, even though I love ’em, have a baby.

Yeah, the possibilities of IFs are quite confusing. No lie.

I’d rather have something to believe in, in this cold, superficial world – until I die.

 

Hey, if I can tap into spirituality once against God’s wish, I can do it again.

What’s a fuck up, when you can fuck up some more, my friend?

The 1st time was an accident, this time it’s knowing offence.

Mabe the law of belief is what certainly makes me repel from Heaven in the distance.

 

By doing this, I’ve committed another sin. To brag about your fortunes to others.

We are to be humble. Then God reveals our success in public, turning haters to lovers.

If I held my mouth shut, didn’t express what my spirit agitating to create, it would make all of the difference.

Trusting in God, knowing at his time, to me he will unravel in person the amazing gift you are, in full magnificence.

 

Nonetheless, here I am, and I do what I believe is right.

If I’m wrong to pursue a girl I can’t explain why I want, I’ll happily accept good night.

One life to live, and I’m trying to keep it true.

All I hope is you believe me, like when I look in your eyes & believe you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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